Letting Go: How Forgiving Others is a Gift to Yourself

Letting Go: How Forgiving Others is a Gift to Yourself by Fabienne Swartz

{2:06 minutes to read} Recently I was talking to someone who was having an emotional couple of weeks. After listening to her for some time, I saw something that I see often in people: not being able to let go and forgive.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean surrender and it doesn’t mean condoning. In fact, it has very little to do with the other person at all. It’s about you being comfortable with your own situation, even if you would have preferred for it to go differently. At the end of the day, the other person doesn’t get any benefit from it. The benefit is only to you.

Being able to forgive is about releasing the past. It’s letting go of what went wrong and not carrying it around, and that sets you free. It’s the only way that you can truly move on, because you let go of anger, you let go of frustration, you let go of negative feelings, and you stop blaming yourself — all necessary steps to become the person you want to be.

You forgive through acceptance of the other with the good, the bad, and the ugly. It is recognizing the other person for who they are and stopping the act of making excuses for how they behave. When you make excuses for someone, you are not accepting the situation — in fact, you are still trying to control the story.

And how can you get there? If you start by being kind to yourself in small ways, eventually you’ll get to the point where you don’t want to put yourself through the emotional roller coaster of holding a grudge. There is a very popular quote that is supposed to come from Buddha (the truth is one of Buddha’s followers named Buddhaghosa said it):

“The Buddha compared holding onto anger to grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else. You, of course, are the one who gets burned.”

With the help of coaching and introspection, it is possible to reach a level of consciousness where letting go of resentment and forgiving becomes second nature — and you will grow accustomed to the peace of mind that flows freely as a result.

For more information about how to achieve a resentment-free life — and be accountable for that goal — contact me.

Fabienne Swartz JD (Belgium) CDFATM
Certified Divorce Financial AnalystTM
500 Mamaroneck Av.
Suite 320
Harrison, NY 10528
(914) 798-6940

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